“People have hearts… They live, they love, and they die.
And that matters.”
~ Elizabeth Warren
You see, I’ve always had a rule about people buying me drinks: I don’t allow it, unless I’m in a relationship with that person. I never wanted any man to feel like I owed him something because he shelled out $7 for a red bull vodka. This rule included my friend as well as the guy who invited me to the pub.
I don’t know what made me break my rule that night. I’ve felt guilty about it for years. I remember my friend handing me a drink. I remember hesitating. I remember him saying, “Don’t worry! Just get the next round!”
2018 — yesterday, 14 year old Millie Bobby Brown innocently revealed that rapper, Drake, age 31, has been with her, for the last year giving her advice about boys. They are friends, she says. He texts her, “I miss you.” This is the same Drake who has, more than once, skated around that “just friends until she turns 18” line — most recently with 18 year old model Bella Harris.
If this is the first time you’re learning of these incidents or some of these details, there’s a reason. It’s because survivors understand the cost of speaking up. We know our lives will be scrutinized. What were you wearing? Were you drinking? Were you too flirtatious? We know our motives will be called into question- why are you trying to ruin this man’s life? We know even our recollection and interpretation of events will be challenged- did you really say no? Are you just claiming it was rape because you’re having regrets the next day? How can it be rape if you didn’t fight him?
So all y’all predators/assaulters/boys being boys out there: get ready. Get your lists of women “you haven’t assaulted,” prepare the denials, then, eh, I knew her, and then the I was a boy being a boy.
I was the most sheltered, naive person in my college. Most of my friends there were a few years older than me. One night, I met this guy at a friend’s apartment. We hit it off, and he came home with me. I assumed we were just going to fool around, since that’s all I had ever done before, but soon his clothes were off.
by Rose Madder It’s shocking to believe that almost a full year has passed since America’s greatest threat to democracy took office. In that time, I have made and lost hundreds of friendships, took part in countless debates, and developed unbreakable bonds. But...
“Women of color have been told throughout history that their rights come secondary to everyone else’s, even other women’s. In fact, other women are often the ones to tell women of color, trans women, and non-binary femmes that they are next on the list, just as soon as he smallest of first steps is accomplished. “
“One of the most common excuses I see for slut-shaming is this lousy analogy comparing rape with theft. The argument was that if you flashed a lot of money and fancy things and left your car or your house unlocked, it shouldn’t surprise anyone if you got robbed (the implication being that women who dress or act a “certain way” shouldn’t be surprised if they become the victim of rape or sexual assault). But there are multiple flaws in this analogy, which only further prove the point about rape culture. “
“I always tell my kids that other people are far too worried about themselves to worry about anyone else for more than a fleeting moment. Are you going to sell the riches of your infinite life potential which is truly only bound by what you can imagine, by your imagined opinion of what other’s opinions might be? People who barely give you a passing thought anyway? Doesn’t that sound juvenile and crazy?”
“When a man who admitted sexually assaulting women got elected president because of a large voting block of women, there can be no truer reflection of the internalized misogyny many of us inflict upon ourselves. He has waged political and social warfare against many marginalized groups. Our silence breeds violence, and we must use our voices to speak out. He told us who he was during the election, but people supported his message or silently condoned it by ignoring it. “